Flow

So happy with my life right now.

Power People

My boss is a pathetic person her family walk all over her and she has to do what she is told, because without her family she has not a thing.
Shitty day at work i make money for an ungrateful person, she belives she has power over me because she pays my wages, so in some way she does and i am fine with that,
But to treat that person like she is dirt just is not right.
My co worker another power control freak and arse licker also belives she has power over me.
For some time lets say a year I have let these people get to me and bcome very ill with depression and anixty attack.
Losing all my saving because it was to painful to go to work, my loss of weight became an ishue for then and i was getting called skinny anerexic.
After going through hell my co worker starts doing stuff to get me in the bad books with the boss.
She my co worker is a 300 pound women and has eyes that do not blink and i see nothing but a stone cold stare, like she is dead inside.
I have over come all my problems of being bulled at work with the help of drugs a good friend and kickboxing.
The whole pattern has started again even though i let them have all the power they want, this is ot good enough, they want me missarbe.
I will not be that person for them.
They may be large and over bearing but a wise women said to me do not make them large in your life because I am seated way up high in gods plan for me.
I struggle ive stolen and had sex cheated sworn all the bad things that god sees as wrong, i am human and far from perfect.
But the one thing I am not is a bully, Which to me is the worst thing anyone could be.
They made me want to take my own life at one time things got that bad.
Now they are just blops of lard.
I am not the worlds greatest speller as you can see, but I do not want to correct my mistakes or polish this draft.
So there it is crazy or not, I rise above and forget the lot.
I

World of mine

I is just me , Zuma too.
Others come and go but me and zuma live strong.
We all fell down i became what they wanted me to be.
I ran but faced my fears.
Broken hart Frisco is dead, i loved him then but wish I could of loved him so much more.
I am not the same they think i am.
Dare to touch my hair you fat fat thing.
The angry girl is tucked down inside but spite lives on.
They have gone and who is left does it matter. Live one second.
Breath i do not care for anyone else.
Friends just people that need a rock i will not be.
Friscos gone it will never be the same.
Just zuma and I.
We live or we die.

Getting To Europe

I have been noticed that I have stopped blogging.
Well now I am back I guess because I am not happy right now.
I truly do not understand the meaness of some people.
I am told to love everyone but not everyone wants my love.
I have not been to work all week sick off it right now ,just staying alone in my house with my Kitty cats. I see there life they are just as bored as me and long to run free.
Move back to my Parents house the have miles of grass lots of trees my cats would be free.
So what of me base home Suffolk and train to Paris. Germany I have never seen.
Drinking ozzo in Grease puking on the street sun burnt face wonderful food.
How comes I had no clue how happy I was with my friends overseas.
Stopped short life ends LA is a jail for me.
Why dont I leave. I am a coward you see.
Too scared to go back dont have the money for three. Scared that when I get to England, Ive made a mistake.
So I am here for 2009 lets just save money and try to enjoy my friends and family thats here for now.
I have it all here but still I am sad.
Told not to travel for fear of never getting back.
My mind is blowing up with my thoughts.
What happened to that girl in her shorts at the beach. So far out of reach.
So I am back to my blogging stuck in my own retreat.
I feel I am doing some thing horrible wrong

Blue and White

I take the blue and white, what happened nothing just normal.
The last thing I wanted was to feel normal, wheres my days missed my head jerked from the clouds.
Moron brain sitting paralyzed, the blue and white no more tears or crazy rants, melting down, just to laugh it out.
I wanted spaced head not leveled brain. I feel like Ive been cheated I am off to the Doctors again.

Bad Again

I lost my way today the flags all flew read.
I sat calm but my actions were full of hate, I enjoyed it for a while being rude and mean, my mind and heart did not match.
Black is back the shadows thick. The clouds are large. full of rain.
I will not live this way no matter what is said and done.
We hurt each other.
So shut away close down the world. I am so truly lost.
My heart is small like a flea jumping around waiting to be be killed.
Down down that wicked road.
Myself is who I run away from, but I always catch up.
I will shut down my mouth never talk.
I am lost.
I say get up push it away where did that girl go yesterday.
Ashamed. Fight on punch through, bow my head dislike myself.
It s all about me. Why?
Tear out my hair.

Mauy Thai

Hit, kick, punch, fight. Never give up, hold your head high.
Never let anyone smash your dreams. You may get beaten but always stand up. Respect the fighter. Move on.
Guts blood push through.
Lesson in life no matter how many times I get kicked down or punched in the face.
Rest assured I will always gets back on my feet to live a fresh new day.
The clouds may come the storms on its way.
Ill have my baby just not today.
Love it, fighting back.
Stiff upper lip.
My heart can be black. but its only a shadow. The love I have yet to give is huge and Red.
Gloves on new fight, new Love.
Peace to my friends full of Love for those who try and crush me.
I may be small but Mauy Thai makes me huge.
Love Love, Love You back.